the day before tomorrow

Today is the day before tomorrow. Tomorrow is my final observation. The formal observsation is supposed to tell the out come of the year. Yet, walking into this interview I really don't feel like it matters. They are looking for me to fail. Yes I have "porential" but I really don't think they are going to let me leave with a satidfactory rating. Which I just want to laugh at bc not a single one of my kids failed the state test and our grade level percent is higher than the schools so.. Idk. I just want to keep my record in tact. We shall see...

A great week off

I have a fabulous week off. I got to enjoy some sun...met a guy ...who is of course currently living in the sf bay area... in town for the weekend. Got to spend a couple of days in the city.. just walking and enjoying the city life. Got some new work books... gotta love it. I am really trying to work on the behavioral narration. It is a HUGE thing in this book that I got. I have to narrate every behavior that I want to see within the first ten seconds and make sure every child is corrected in the first minute. Then hopefully after that they should all be perfect..right?

I tired it today in class... it takes a LOT of narration. It is only the first day but it seemed to maybe work for at least the first part of the day. I have to work on my stamina. Stamina is the most important thing. The longer I can go without being frustrated with the children the better off both of us will be. I had a small victory today with my child that loves to run and scream in the classroom. He didn't! He only ran once I think and only screamed when he left the classroom at the end of the day. It was quite interesting. I am working hard on the behavioral narration as well as the clear instructions. The thing that is still happening is the talking. They talk a lot. And I know that I have not corrected the correct way in the past so I am working very hard.....

The big question now is do I really want to put myself through that next year. It has been a hard year. I know it has. I know it is because of the way that I have acted. I have never been put in this type of a situation, but the lack of respect is the biggest issue for me. It is hard to sit and have so many kids just off the bat disrespect me. I know kids in Oregon are not that way. I know that it could/would be different in Oregon but I am trying to figure out if I want to teach at all. Do I want to put myself through this again. I say it time and time again, I didn't get into this to write curriculum. I didn't get into this to discipline kids all day long. I want to teach. I want to spend my time getting to know my kids instead of trying make sure that they can fucking walk down the hall. I just don't know what I will be doing come June! That's a tough spot to be. O well. Ill do something I guess.

So long

I know it has been a while but there really isn't much to blog about these days. I seriously go to work and come home. On weekends I might go into the city for a movie or something but I am usually so tired that I don't do anything. Its kinda sad but also I am so close to paying off my credit cards that all my extra cash has been going there instead of in my pocket or savings! but hopefully by the end of the month the credit cards will be gone and I can start saving again. Saving for what.. Im not sure but Im sure it will be an adventure.

As for school... Still frustrated with writing my own curriculum instead of having a base to work out of. I actually had an informal interview with a recruiter from a charter school this past week. It was interesting. I have no idea if they will call me back but it seems that it is much like this school where teachers write ALL of the curriculum and have to come up with their own resources. They pay a little more than the public schools but are not backed by a union which can be hairy.

I am super excited for this week. Parent teacher conferences are Wednesday and Thursday. Then the kids are on a trip on Friday which is always nice but that means I have to spend money to help by the communal lunch. O well. It is nice to be without them for a day and enjoy my fellow teachers. Then one ful week..three days the next and a week and a half break.

Most of break will be spent around the house. I really want to do some spring cleaning and enjoy the city...hoping that its nice enough to go outside! Maybe I'll do Washington DC for a couple of days but that depends on if I have the money.

Ok... enough avoiding lesson plans. Away I go!

Ugh

I am so tired of trying to come up with lesson plans out of my butt. I love to teach. I am not a curriculum writer and I have realized that when I do not understand or know what the outcome is supposed to be.

They said that I was 'lucky' to get material along with one sentence about the lesson. One freaking sentence does not mean a lesson. I want to teach somewhere where we have a curriculum!!!

Frustration

I am currently frustrated. I cant seem to get rid of my frustration. All week (since like Saturday) I have been doing well. I am relaxed and I am not too over the top. Today though... I was doing good. It being Wednesday I feel like I should do some work... I have little things that I need to do but I just opened a binder and my whole body got tense and I just feel like...even in February... I still have no clue what I am doing. Or at least that is how I feel.

I guess I have to step up even more but it seems that I can never catch up. I know I have to go back to work on Monday already behind in writing and just trying to play catch up with them while still trying to get the best products. On top of the fact that the state math test is in one week from Tuesday! O so much fun.

Im trying. i really am

Ever have that feeling where all your trying and hard work is not only not enough but just seems to go to waste for nothing?

Its been that type of week. Between a bad performance review from my principal to a meeting that just made me feel as inadequate as humanly possible.. it seems that I can do nothing right. Don't you love those weeks? I personally dont.

I am hoping that I can bounce back... come back bigger and stonger. I really hope it can. If I can't...it may be my career that doesn't come back. Of course... There are so many variables to everything..who knows I could end up being excessed again... I could end up back in Oregon... who knows?!? I thought when I left college I would leave limbo...but I guess life is limbo...especally when you have no roots to hold you down.

LAter yall...

Mental Health Days~

O how I love mental health days. I really dont take them as much as I should. But yesterday an opportunity presented itself and I took it. There really wasn't anything going on at school that was utterly important so I went for it.

The major reason I went for yesterday is that my mom said I should play hookie and go to Good Morning America the morning show. Whynonna Judd a country singer was playing and one of my favorites! So I did it. I went at 615. I walked in right as they started taping. And then at 830 they started promos and at 850 she sang live! It was great. At one point I was only like four feet from her.

Then I decided to go outside and see if I could get her authograph. Apparently she did a radio show before coming out which took FOREVER in the freezing cold. but FINALLY she came out. Beautiful as ever. I even got a picture with her! here it is!